Friday, August 1, 2014

I Can't Get No Satisfaction... Again.

Can I just say when I sat to write this blog post I just felt, well... empty. Uninspired. Tired. What could I possibly say at a moment like this that will strike a chord with anyone? I drew a big fat blank and so I revisited my old blog, seeking inspiration. Funny enough, my own words from over a year ago came back and nurtured that same weary place in me. These aren't fancy words or some grandiose lesson. We will never have it all together. We might never find it possible to be truly content in right now. But in this simple bare confession, we might, just maybe find common ground. And be inspired for today.

The words may be recycled but they hit me afresh.

March 27, 2013 - I Can't Get No Satisfaction

As I’m certain all of you know by now, life is, well . . . hard. Busy. Hectic. Stressful. Exhausting.

There are countless distractions that steal my time and my focus away from my Source. And often enough, my Source starts to feel like a side dish, and then maybe a dessert, or just an occasional splurge. It’s much more difficult to notice just a pound or two. Most often it’s only when you’re completely out of shape that you start to realize how horrendous your diet has become.

As a mother of two wild-child toddlers (now 2 tots and a baby), most days when I catch my reflection in the mirror I have one of those “Whoa!” moments. As in “Whoa, sister, what the heck happened to you? You used to be kinda cute and, well, skinny, with unlined skin and an almost perpetual grin. 

When did I lose my focus? When did I become complacent? How did I get so out of shape?

With everything in me I want to be desperate for God. But am I? And how, with the kids and the bills, and a marriage, and relationships, and writing, and blogging, and facebook, and church, and missions, and . . . (you get the idea), do I find time to indulge in Him?

In my heart I’m not trying to simply perform or look good on paper so that others might commend my holiness. Ick! Even just thinking that makes me all itchy with the hypocrisy of it all. Legalism. Empty works. Going through the motions.

That is not how I want to glorify the God that is my very breath. The God who has blessed me with this wonderfully exhausting home and family. The God who has never abandoned me even in my darkest, desert nights.

So why do I feel like a snail wiggling inch by inch up an endlessly long and treacherous mountain when, in reality, I know that I will never reach that ideal peak. There is no perfection to be had here. There is no earthy destination where I will have done everything God has for me to do and then I can just dust off my hands, kick up my feet, and wait to see his Glory face-to-face.

Since my efforts very often fall short and leave me filled with frustration, am I bringing Him any glory at all?

A few weeks ago at church my Pastor said something that stuck all over me like winter static. He said:

God is most glorified in you when you are satisfied in Him.

Man, it really got me thinking  . . . Am I satisfied? My life is great, but am I so caught up in my daily struggles that I’m left wanting more without the energy to even cry out for it?

This profound thought has been tooling around in my brain for a few weeks, and yet, I'm not convinced I know how to be fully satisfied with where I am at. Every day is a battle. From the unique struggles that we are facing with our children, to the constant financial battle of getting ahead, and the challenges of my husbands dreadful job (no longer dreadful, hallelujah!), I feel like we are simply pushing through the junk in hopes of the day when things won't be quite so difficult.

But that really just means that we are missing out on what God is trying to teach us right now. Missing out on time that we will never get back. And failing to see that regardless of our circumstances, we are called by God to be a light today. To show his love, joy, grace, and compassion today. To seek him with everything we have, not tomorrow, or when life finally settles down (as if that will ever happen), but TODAY.
What do people see when they look at me? Do they see the snot-crusted mommy who hasn’t had a good nights sleep in almost four years? Or do they see a joyful servant of the Most High, blessed beyond belief and satisfied with the God that is always more than enough?

What about you? Are you shining with His Glory? Or are you so worn out that you can’t even reflect an ounce of His goodness?

Regardless of your struggles, are you satisfied?

Amy Leigh Simpson writes Romantic Suspense that is heavy on the romance, unapologetically honest, laced with sass and humor, and full of the unfathomable Grace of God. She is the completely sleep deprived mama to two little tow-headed mischief makers, one pretty little princess, and wife to her very own swoon-worthy hero. Represented by the oh-so-wise and dashing Chip MacGregor of MacGregor Literary Inc.


Susan Anne Mason said...

What gorgeous kids! Your little girl just oozes joy! And it's okay to be a 'snot-encrusted mom' right now. God knows how tired and busy you are.
Try to relax and enjoy the moments. They go by so fast, believe me. My kids are 18 and 21 now and I don't know how that happened!

My advice to anyone who is feeling they aren't doing enough for their spiritual life is to just be grateful. God loves gratitude. And if you just spend a few minutes each day being grateful for all the little things around you, that's a huge start. I try to say thank you each day for as many things as possible - my car getting me to work, the cold water I drink when thirsty, the cool breeze on a hot day, the flowers I pass in our neighbourhood. All these little things mean a lot, and it's amazing how your troubles fade away when you focus on the wonders around you!

You are doing an amazing job, Amy (and all you Mamas out there!) That is a huge blessing in itself. The toughest job on earth. Be kind and gentle to yourself. You deserve it! (And write when you can! LOL).


Amy Leigh Simpson said...

Such good advice, Sue! It's far too easy to take the good things for granted. We really are so blessed! But our focus can be so tainted. I am so thankful for many many things. Need to fix my eyes on those, and on Jesus... And everything else will seem small in comparison. :) loved your words, sweet friend!

Karen @ a house full of sunshine said...

Well, you know I can identify with every word of this! Such beautiful thoughts Amy, and a really powerful reminder. I love that line from your pastor. I've definitely had "one of those weeks" and frustration and ingratitude have crept in. I've found it hard to make myself be thankful because deep down I know that it will force me to take my eyes off my frustrations, and I've been unwilling to relinquish all those negative feelings. Like a toddler having a tantrum, really!! This definitely challenged me! Thank you for sharing!

Amy Leigh Simpson said...

Karen, I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. Perspective is a funny thing, isn't it. I'm praying that I can be more focused on his goodness and all the ways he makes me strong, and less fixated on all my daily struggles that overshadow ALL that good. Love you, mama! You're amazing!