It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for three decades or if your only romantic relationships exist on paper… your ability to flirt is like having an ace in your pocket.
Most often it’s referenced with sexual undertones but not all flirtations have that connotation. Friends, co-workers, family members, teachers, or even children… it’s all in the dynamic. So what is it, really?
Flirting, put simply, is behavioral attraction.
It IS your playful banter, your witty comebacks, your smoldering looks, or the sarcastic roll of your eyes. Fiction or real life, flirting is the magic in your dialogue, the intent behind a look, even the position of your body and the measure of your movements. It’s tension and longing, friction and fun. It may seem like fluff since it doesn’t often grace the heavy heart to heart encounters but it lays the frame work for the connections that form between characters. It is both verbal and non-verbal. It’s CHEMISTRY!
So let’s evaluate some chemical composition, shall we?
How do you know if your flirting is up to snuff? Like anything else, practice makes perfect! And the wonderful thing about fiction is you can edit that scene again and again, crafting flirting perfection, often even better than you could have quipped it in real life!
I LOVE that I’m married and I still get to flirt with my husband. Whether it’s a playful text message or a calculated brush of my foot beneath the dinner table, flirting gives relationships pizazz. So how can you rev up the attraction between your characters? (or even in your own life!—Sorry, Dr. Phil moment)
Here are 6 tips to help you get your flirt on!
Whether it’s a heated caress or a casual bump of the shoulder, heck, even twirling your own hair, when we touch we respond. We're not made of stone so how can we NOT feel? Think about what you want to say and try to translate that feeling into a touch. Where would you communicate that sentiment best? What type of touch would send the right signal without using brash words? Bite your tongue and give it a try. See if you get your point across. :)
Oh the games we play! It’s like playground rules all over again, but then again, the tease is effective for riling our emotions and at the same time decreases the pressure of a serious interaction. Lighten up, people, good-natured ribbing can be fun and can definitely provide an easy segue for more meaning touches to keep ’em guessing. It's all about the chase, my friends.
See here, now you get to ease up on that tightly reigned filter you work so hard to keep in check. Ahem...((**Whistling**)) Verbal sparring is like foreplay. Sometimes it overlaps with teasing but very often you get to expose your wit and intelligence. You can showcase your sarcasm. You get to dish it right back and up the ante! Excellent tool in building romantic tension! And it will keep a tighter pacing for your dialogue.
Let’s be honest here, who doesn’t love these? Okay, on occasion they make us uncomfortable, but chemistry, whether in friendships or in romances, thrives when people voice their admiration for each other. Everyone wants to be noticed, to feel special, and what better way to cultivate attraction than by dropping a well placed kind word? Try it. Give a compliment and see how it can change the dynamic of a conversation on a dime. Your day or that scene will be better for it.
Is there anything more attractive that genuine laughter? The laugh is a wonderful flirtation. And there are so many to explore! A giggle (sometimes charming or annoying), a chuckle (sometimes surprisingly hot), a husky laugh (that feels like a physical caress), a blurted laugh (I dare you not to laugh in response), or beautiful, carefree, laugh ’til your sides ache and your eyes well up (that I dare say might be the best flirtation of all). Find a way to laugh with someone. Make your characters laugh together. Funny will never go out of style!
Not all communication is verbal. Duh! Body language speaks volumes. Use that to your advantage. Open yourself up to new ways of expressing emotion without words or touch. Pour that onto the page. Let the movements speak and give greater insight. Show don't tell. And go on and put a little swivel in your hips. (Perhaps not you men. You can strut, just maybe don’t swivel!) Work it! Find what feels good. Discover what gives that extra boost of confidence? Confidence is attractive. And that swivel doesn't hurt either. Alright, chin up. Annnddddd strut!
So there you have it. Your flirting tutorial! It’s Friday! Date, write, interact. Go forth and flirt it up!
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Amy Leigh Simpson is the completely exhausted stay-at-home mama to the two wild-child, tow-headed toddler boys, one pretty little princess baby, and the incredibly blessed wife of her hunky hubby.
She writes Romantic Suspense chalked full of grace that is equally inspiring, nail-biting, and hilarious. And a little saucy! Okay fine, a lot saucy. :) She is an active member of American Christian Fiction Writers, and now uses her Sports Medicine degree to patch up daily boo-boos. Her greatest ambitions are to create stories that inspire hope, raise up her children to be mighty warriors for Christ, invent an all-dessert diet that works, and make up for years of sleep deprivation.
She is represented by Chip MacGregor of MacGregor Literary, Inc.