Friday, August 14, 2015

Author Awkwardness

While I’ve been a writer for a few years now, I’m just getting my feet wet with this whole “author” business. I love playing with ideas for cover designs, or nit-picking over the right words for the back-cover blurb, pouring out my heartfelt thanks in the acknowledgment of all who have helped me realize my dream, and waxing poetic in my very first “Note from the Author” like a love letter.

I go from being giddy to neurotic twelve times a day while I lovingly torture over it all, enrapt, obsessed, and terrified by the whole stressfully amazing process.

Yes, it's this super cool thing to be publishing a book! But I will say there are a few things that are admittedly awkward along the way. And honestly, I’ve heard from author pals that there will be more awkward things to come as my book baby takes its first bold steps out into a world more than likely determined to knock it town and tear it apart for any and every reason from a typo to character flaw.

So I figured I’d start a list of all the painfully awkward things an author will likely endure over the course of their writing career, you know, to commiserate… for funsies. :) Here goes!

-countless rejections (don’t worry, eventually someone won’t hate you)

-awful agent/editor interviews (umm, *tap tap* is this thing on?)

-fumbling a pitch or drawing a blank (err, can I do that over?)

-harsh critiques (hurts so good)

-when you get caught researching/people watching, i.e. eavesdropping. (hey, that’s good material! and you're in public so it's fair game)

-when you get caught daydreaming in storyland (oh, hello real world… are you still here?)

-people telling you they hate your heroine (well, fine, she doesn’t like you either :p)

-bumbling public speaking events (hello, all you naked people. Do you, umm, like books?)

-when you forget you’re around “normals” and start speaking about your characters like they’re real people (oh, and then Archer said the funniest thing! I just love a man with a sense of humor! Amy, who’s Archer? I thought your husband’s name was Rick?)

-underattended book signings/release parties (but all the cool kids are coming)

-having to shamelessly and relentlessly promote your own product (wanna buy my book? It’s really good!)

-not so subtly asking/begging for reviews (only if you liked it)

-asking friends to pretty please have you guest post on their blog/share your posts (if it’s not too much trouble, could you click that pesky share button?)

-getting publicly shredded on amazon in your reviews (but but but… did they even read the same book? Gah!!!)

-reaching out to author friends for endorsements (do you think, you might maybe, be willing to, umm, err… you know?)

-reaching out to author friends who are too busy to give you an endorsement (oh, no, it’s totally cool. I know you’re like really busy writing your next bestseller)

-asking for an endorsement from someone who ends up not liking your book (yeahhhhh, nevermind.)

-waiting to see what your friends think of your book and then conveniently never hearing back (So, uh, how’s the reading coming…?)


Alright, join in the fun! Can you think of anything to add to this list? Or do you have a funny anecdote of an embarrassing writer moment.

Happy Friday! Happy reading, editing, plotting, dreaming, and writing. WRITE ON!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Amy Leigh Simpson is the completely exhausted stay-at-home mama to the two wild-child, tow-headed toddler boys, one pretty little princess baby, and the incredibly blessed wife of her hunky hubby.
She writes Romantic Suspense chalked full of grace that is equally inspiring, nail-biting, and hilarious. And a little saucy! Okay fine, a lot saucy. :) She is a member of ACFW, and now uses her Sports Medicine degree to patch up daily boo-boos. Her greatest ambitions are to create stories that inspire hope, raise up her children to be mighty warriors for Christ, invent an all-dessert diet that works, and make up for years of sleep deprivation. 
Look for her debut novel due out this fall with WildBlue Press!



Angie Dicken said...

This is great, Amy! I started out seeking publication by calling the cell number of an agent to be sure they got my proposal! ACK!!! Thought I'd get the secretary. HAHAHA! AND, I will never forget making a faux pas at a conference with an agent, and then having that agent warn against it on their blog the next day! YIKES!!!!! Ah...many awkward moments over the years:)

Amy Leigh Simpson said...

Oh Ang!!!! Haha! I totally feel your pain! There have been a few times when I've suffered from motor mouth/verbal diarrhea in front of some notable people. Gotta love walking away from that and cringing for hours on end! Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, less is more. ;)

Mary Vee Writer said...

Oh Ames...I died laughing at so many of these because they are so spot on.
And then I lamented with others that spot on.

The life of a writer/'s not only not for everyone (and no--2 negatives do not make a positive in this case) it's also for only those who have friends who can be there with a cyber tissue, hug, and are willing to laugh at really crazy conversations.

Great post, girl.

Unknown said...

This is hilarious, Amy! Good to know I'm not the only one who says goofy things and who feels pushy at times :o I have one: I spent my Saturday of ACFW 2014 in St. Louis by the white scheduling board, and managed to get 4 additional agent appointments. I pitched every agent in Mills 9. My very last appointment was at 2:15, and all brains were switching to gala mode (that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it). I sat across from Les Stobbe and remembered I'd sat at his table Thursday for the genre dinner. I thought, cool ice breaker - I'll tell him my conference experience had started and was ending with him. Not exactly brilliant, but friendly enough. But that's not what I said. "Hi! This is neat! My conference began and started with you!" He cocked his head and said absolutely nothing. Bless him. Two weeks later he became my agent.

Amy Leigh Simpson said...

I had a good laugh, at my own expense, at some of these, Mary!!

Oh, and Patricia... I had a similar moment with Chip right before I signed with him. I walked away thinking, good grief, I really need to start thinking before I open my mouth. My roommate Ashley Clark and I giggled about it until the wee hours of the morning. Thankfully, he still signed me :)