Thursday, September 3, 2015

The SECRET to being a REAL writer

You want to be a REAL writer, right?

Well, there is one thing every real writer knows how to do WELL, so I'm going to let you in on how to MASTER this aspect of writing--so you can join the cool club too.

It is... the art of procrastinating.

Writer's are MASTERFUL at this and have it down to a science.

I'm currently working on a book and have a deadline looming. Let me just show you a little how it works....

You sit down to write---and remember that you need to start a load of laundry.

You start the load of laundry, and realize that your bladder needs to be emptied.

After you flush, you are thirsty, so you go to the kitchen and get a drink. A BIG drink.

Then you sit back down and think, hmmm, I should check email before I get started.

You do a few replies, send a few you needed to initiate yourself.

Might as well check Facebook too, just to make sure nothing huge needs your attention.

An hour later, you blink and nod--yup, all is well in the Facebook land--everyone is complaining as usual and there are still those stupid-but-hysterical viral videos you are now kinda caught up on.

You open your book to write and realize... you have to pee again.

After you flush, you realize the washing machine has stopped. You switch laundry and refill you drink in the kitchen, then sit down to write again.

Oh, but crap. You forgot about twitter. Thirty minutes later, after reading a few writing blogs industry professionals linked to, doing a few retweets, you crack your knuckles. It's writing ti--Oh. Wait. The dog is barking and wants to be let out, so you go outside, let him do his business, throw a stick around for a while, then come back in.

Dryer is done, might as well fold it while it's warm.

Come back to your computer, oh, better check and see if you've gotten any responses to email yet.

A few. You respond back.

You look at the clock. LUNCH TIME. What a busy morning, it's just flown by!

After lunch, you yawn. Geez, it's that time of day, Your brain wouldn't function anyway. Maybe a little power nap would help.

Three hours later---

Well, it's already late afternoon. Might as well call it a day and start again tomorrow.....

Not that I do ANY of these things. *ahem* (although I really don't do the 3 hour nap thing...only in my dreams anyway.... but figured you didn't need a detail of further bathroom trips....)

So... now you have it. The secret to being a real writer.

I should also add... real writers also do crazy things like take themselves to Panera sometimes, where they have black-out Internet times and no household chores that will beckon to them so they have no excuse but to write.

I know, I know, you can thank me later for all this brilliant advice on how to procrastinate too.

Now you TOO can do it like the pros do!!!!!!!!

Let's Chat! What are some brilliant ways YOU procrastinate... and maybe some ways to--um--not...??

Krista is a follower of Jesus, a wife, a mother, and author of  
Sandwich, With a Side of Romance,  
A Side of Faith
A Side of Hope.

She blogs about finding JOY in the journey of LIFE at She is represented by Sarah Freese of Wordserve Literary.


Kara Isaac said...

This made me laugh out loud. I'm on deadline to and of the two hours I had set aside of editing tonight there was maybe forty-five minutes editing and the rest was FB/Twitter/Email/Blogs/News. It's a tough life this writing business :)

Joanne Sher said...

TOTALLY laughed my head off. So very, VERY true!

Bribe yourself with candy. Or a bubble bath. Or the indulgence of your choice. MIGHT work... ;)

Robin E. Mason said...

how 'bout when the landlord is here for two days doing work on the house??? hahahah (but i get brand new AC!!) i did get some writing done tho, and after today's first round of procrastination should have the day to devote to my story....

Krista Phillips said...

Kara -- oh my goodness, I here ya! And it makes it doubly hard when you can "expense" that time as "writing related" --- it doesn't seem quite so bad! LOL

Krista Phillips said...

Joanne--- yes! I usually try to say, "Okay, maybe a little treat will help encourage me to stay in my seat..." but it never really works that wait. A treat AFTER I write might be just the thing, LOL

Krista Phillips said...

Robin, good luck!!

Yes, distractions in the house are SO HARD. It's why I rarely get a lot written over the summer, LOL